Legendary Love

Kiss Me On My Neck

2010-01-11T00:55:00.001-08:00

"I want somebody to walk up behind me and kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck been such a long time I forgot I was fine". That is the beginning line of an Erykah Badu song that I love so much and I love that song because what a sensation that you would get if somebody really just walked up behind you and just kissed you on your neck. Its 2010 and so many people made resolutions about how they want to work on there there bodies and lose weight and all that mambo jombo bullshyt when next year they will be saying the same thing again. Since this is my blog and I say what ever I want to say in the 2010 i just want everybody to know that I have want something that most people are not just putting out there in the universe, well fuck I am just gonna put it out there you want to know what my NYE resolution is.....I want to be in love I want to know what it feels like to say that is my boyfriend and he say the the same thing about me. There are a few fellows who I been looking at there applications for relationship and they are very good prospects at least at the time they are. I have been given enough time to decide if I can maintain a relationship or even if I want one and over the years I have seen enough within the relationships around me to know that I am ready for love cause I can't say what I will or want do to maintain a healthy relationship nor will I allow my self to miss out out on the learning experience that most people grow from or don't....however I do have a quality about my self that I want to share with someone through loving them and being loved. So i leave you with this I am going to know what love feels like. I want to be able to experience the up and down of what a couple do and what they share because I have not given myself the homage within myself to say I deserve it. So to you fellows out there that I have given you the green light on me to just "walk up behind me and kiss me on my neck"

He Is Just Not That Into ME

2009-09-28T01:55:00.001-07:00

*If you don't want me then don't talk to me go ahead and free yourself , If you don't want me then don't talk to me then go ahead to someone else* Fantasia "Free Yourself"

When I first saw him it was at a birthday party for someone dear and special to me so my mind was focused on making sure that everything was going well at the party but I became distracted as I kept glancing back and forth at him trying to figure him out or just get a feel of him. Well some how I found a way to strike up a conversation with him that was pointless and was very random. However he noticed that I was making way to much eye contact with him and I blushed a few times as he caught me looking. Well I did what I always do when something catches my attention I investigate and find out what I need to know in order to initiate my next move. In finding out out all the things I needed to know about the guy I made a decision to let him know that I have a "crush" on him. All of that happens and then I start to talk to him and he has even hung out with me and a few friends a couple of times but we never seem to have any alone time or for that matter make any alone for each other. Now I feel like he has not lead me on or anything of the sort but I you know that I made it quite clear that I want some type of response from him but instead he just talks all around the situation and never responds as though he might say the wrong thing or hurt my feeling and that cant happen because I don't have the power nor do I want the power to tell someone how to feel especially about me. YOUR FEELINGS ARE YOURS JUST LIKE MINE ARE MINE...........

>>>>>>>>> THIS IS WHERE I AM BRUTALITY HONEST>>>>>>>>>>
Now this is how I really feel and some may call it bitter or just unhappy but I call it bullshit I hate it when a guy knows that you are interested in him and he always around you and even finds the time to make small talk with you now at some point ,you have mutual friends but he doesn't want to let you know if he does or doesn't have some type anything for you. If you are not interested then damn it just say that at some point it is ok to tell someone that you are not interested in them. Now we have all been let down in some type of shape form or fashion but it is narrowed down to how we deal with it. At some point or another we as adults can either get the picture or just straight up admit "He is just not that into me " well in my years of living and trying to maintain a love life I would be the first to say that I have been the he is just not that into you person a lot of times and because of it I can say that I sometimes beat myself up because I try so hard to make the person I am interested in feel that way about me well no more I am going to feel how I feel and not be fucked up about my feeling because at the end of the day its there loss not mine. But it does piss me off when guys patronize me about my feelings well no more cause they are my feeling and I will changed them if and when I want to.

My First Love "Lesson"

2009-09-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

*singing* He fills me up he gives me love more love then I have ever seen he's all I got he all i got in the world but he is all the man that I need. Whitney Houston "All The Man That I Need

I know that we all have that special someone who we can say was our fisrt love or at leaset what we knew at the time to be our first love. I was 20 years old and had gone on a trip to Los Angles. California with some friends for gay black pride during Fourth of July weekend. I was like a kid inside a candy store and all these fine ass black men in one place at one time and where I am from in Tx we hadn't seen this many black gay men at one time. As I am taken all this in I notice this dark choclate drop brother peeping at me over his shades and I say to one of my friends "Thats going to be my husband" and that was a saying that we used when we were planning on pursuing to get a "date".

As we hit it to the club that night once again in a place filled with so many black men that

I thought I was wake up and this would all be a dream of mine. It was real trust me as I am getting my life bopping through the club with my "girls" I see the dark chocolate drop again and as I lean over to tell my friend there goes the guy from the beach I feel someone grab my ass and say to me "What did you say" and I said " That you were going to be my husband" so from there we talked to each other for the rest of the night. He took me to breakfast the next morning and I felt like I was in some perfect romance movie that was never going to end. I left to go back to Texas and he and I exchanged numbers and promised that we would be in touch and he promised that I would see him again. Growing up as a kid being disappinted by promises I knew that those things where made to be broken at least that was what my daddy said when I would tell him but "you promised " he would tell me son sometimes promises are made to be broken so there you have it I left thinking just like that he never gonna call and it all seemed so picture perfect how things happened between us.

I get back to life as I knew it in Texas I had just took a semester off from college to deal with my brothers tragic death that I had totally blocked out at the time just becasue it was something I was ready to deal with. So here I am sitting in my room listening to Whitney Houston and just thinking about how this man has sweep me off my feet and I will never feel that feeling again or even feel his lips on mine ever again in life so I thought then it happened. It was 6pm my time and about 4p.m or what ever the time distance is between california minor detail and my phone ring and on the other end I heard this voice that I had heard in my head ever since I came from my adventure in Cali. It was him my " dark chocolate drop" he said to me how long would it take for you to pack your things and come to Los Angles to see me of course I felt like he was full of shit since it had taken him so long to call and he just wanted to see what I would see but he was serious and there was something in his voice that sounded for sure. So I told him when did I need to pack my bags and he told me right now and be on the last flight to L.A at 10p.m. My adrenalin rushed like never before and before I knew it I was sitting outside waiting on my cousin to pick me up and drop me off at the airport at 8p.m.........

I moved to L.A. with a man I had met one weekend in L.A and he moved me to his world and because I wanted to be loved so bad I took a chance and gave it a shot. He was the first man I ever gave my innocence to and for 2 years I stayed in a emotional and physical abusive relationship that taught to even love harder as I got older and went through other life's up and downs. I have truly learned that I am a very loving person who like any other human being only wants to be loved, and also that in order for me to be loved I must love myself and God. As we travel through life's everyday journey we will have go through some heart breaks and struggles with how we love other and who we allow to love us. We find love in certain things to make sure that we fill our love voids or lack there of. Although that situations has been over for years I still carry a piece of the idea that I will experience that love that I see on TV not because its not real but because I know that it can really happen and will one day.

This blog is for someone who knows me and love me for being who I am to them I Love you TY-KNOT